This is a subject i wanted to talk about for a long time now.
Probably mainly because I struggle with it the most.
Don't get me wrong. I don't think I treat myself any good.
But I often find it hard to put myself first instead of others.
It's not that I'm completely selfless, it's just that I like to help people. My perhaps biggest problem is, that I find it very hard saying 'no'. And that's actually one of the worst mistakes I could do.
The moment people realize, they find an advantage out of you. Some may find it unconsciously and some may actually be aware of the way they are using you.
To me time is the biggest gift you could give to someone.
Time is very precious to me. When someone else is taking the time and spending a day with me, or the other way round, I feel like it is quite a valuable gift. Maybe it isn't appreciated the way it should be.
Now I'm at a point that, I've spent a lot of time helping others that my own needs and my own life is kind of left behind. I'm at a point, that I gave too much time to people who didn't see or acknowleged that, and I feel like I am not given. Even though it's not my natural behavior I'm starting to say 'no' to some things and go after my own dreams.
I'm going to do now what's best for me and speak up for myself.
My whole life I have been a shy person. But what do I have to loose when speaking up. I only say out loud what's been in my head the whole time.
Actually thinking about it, this really is what makes the person I am.
I should believe in me and my opinions and deal with it. Some won't agree with it and won't want to be my friends, maybe because of it. But it is who I am and I am the first person who needs to accept that and learn to love myself for that.
So sometimes I feel we just need to give ourself some of our precious time to work on our own dreams. Because in the end we only have ourselves. Only we can change something to move ahead. And that's not bad. As long as we are aware of who we are, who we want to be and how we will get there.
About this I wrote a few snippets for perhaps a new song. It's not finished yet, but i will finish it soon i hope :) It's hopefully the start of becoming me and following my dreams.
Gardener of Dreams
I'm a shell from somebody else
Watering dreams from anothers land
sitting on goals while helping you stand
Walking on rocks, so you'll have the sand
I'm a gardener of dreams
but growing others self-esteem
won't make mine come real
It's not the kind of me
who turns away when you're in need
But the gardener of dreams
needs to let her own seeds free
They say it's much easier to fly
when it's not your own faith you rely on
But a lack of hope will pass you by
It's time to greet not say goodbye
I'm a gardener of dreams
but growing others self-esteem
won't make mine come real
It's not the kind of me
who turns away when you're in need
But the gardener of dreams
needs to let her own seeds free
A taste of danger
will taste much better
when you caused it yourself
The risks you take
the mistakes
you make
make you who you are
make you who you are
I'm a gardener of dreams
but growing others self-esteem
won't make mine come real
It's not the kind of me
who turns away when you're in need
But the gardener of dreams
needs to let her own seeds free
I'm not a shell from somebody else
